and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
