she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
