i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
