im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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