I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
