They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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