can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
