Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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