I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
