I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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