Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Barsexuality is the new black.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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