i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
