we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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