do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
