Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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