I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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