I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
