did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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