Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
