If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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