Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
NoShamevember. You game?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
