I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
