Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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