Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
