covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
