Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
