about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I AM VODKA MAN
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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