Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
