You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Randomize