I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
