i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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