Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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