Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
