My friends, they love my intelligence
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
