Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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