I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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