I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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