I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
