I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I understand Curling. That high.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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