So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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