that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
