I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
