Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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