Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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