haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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