there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
