let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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