i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
