I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
