apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
