the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
