my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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