He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
