marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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